Healing Patterns: Journey to Authentic Love

We are all born into this world as perfect humans, entirely dependent on our caregivers—whether they are our mom, dad, or a surrogate—to provide us with our basic needs: love, shelter, food, safety, and security. When any or all of these needs are not met, we develop ways of coping, forming patterns to survive. These coping mechanisms are our responses to trauma, which can range from big Traumas, like having an abusive caregiver, to small Traumas, such as a caregiver being too busy to meet our needs immediately. As babies, we cannot understand these circumstances; we simply adapt in the only ways we can.

The Formation of Survival Patterns

In our early years, we develop survival patterns that serve us in the moment. However, as we grow and engage in other relationships, we may develop additional, often unhealthy, patterns. As adults, these patterns no longer serve us but instead affect us and our relationships. Romantic relationships, in particular, due to their nature of intimacy and vulnerability, can reawaken these patterns. At the same time, they can also be our best teachers. For us to have healthy, loving relationships, we need to break these patterns.

Steps to Breaking Unhealthy Patterns

Step 1: Awareness

Awareness is the first step towards making a change. Conducting a Relationship Inventory can help you see what patterns you have developed. By reflecting on your past relationships, you can identify recurring themes and behaviors that may be detrimental.

Step 2: Identify

Once you are aware of your patterns, the next step is to trace back and identify the traumas that led to their formation. This process involves healing your inner child and breaking the unproductive attitudes and patterns that have been ingrained over time. Understanding the root causes of your behaviors can be enlightening and empowering.

Step 3: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a crucial step in healing. You need to forgive yourself for the coping mechanisms you developed—they were your way of surviving. Likewise, forgiving others, especially those who may have unintentionally caused you harm, is essential. Recognize that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have.

Step 4: Releasing the Pattern

Patterns are learned behaviors, and the good news is that we can unlearn them. One effective method for releasing these patterns is Somatic Therapy, which focuses on mind-body healing. By addressing both the physical and emotional aspects of trauma, you can release these long-held patterns.

The Mirror of Relationships

Our relationships reflect where we are in our personal growth and mirror our inner processes. Often, we attract the same type of partner with a different face repeatedly. By doing the deep emotional healing through these steps, we can learn to love our authentic selves, recognize our worth, and attract partners who reflect our true selves.

The Gift of Support

We are here to guide you through this process so you can be your true authentic self and attract a healthy, loving partner. Embrace this journey of self-discovery and healing, and watch as your relationships transform into sources of joy and growth.

Remember, you have the power to change your patterns and create the loving relationships you deserve.