Am I “Too Much” in a Relationship?

As a Certified Dating and Relationship Coach, clients often come to me feeling like they are “too much” for their loved ones. Often, they have been in a series of unhealthy relationships and blame themselves for the demise of those relationships, whether they initiated the breakup or not. In this article, I will discuss three ways I help my clients transition from feeling “too much” to feeling secure and empowered in their dating journeys.

Developing a Better Dating Mindset

The first thing I do when I hear someone describe themselves as being “too much” is focus on improving their mindset around dating. In modern society, relationships often feel like a zero-sum game: we either go the distance or break up and consider it a failure. Part of having a healthy dating experience is recognizing that there is no failure in dating. Every relationship is a learning lesson that moves us closer to understanding what we need for a successful relationship.

Check Your Attachment Style

Someone who feels like they are “too much” may be suffering from emotional wounding that leaves them chasing to a point that can drive people away. Attachment Theory suggests that inconsistent parenting can cause individuals to struggle in their adult romantic relationships. Anxiously attached individuals may drive partners away by clinging too hard for fear of being abandoned. They may prioritize their partner over themselves, give too much of themselves in relationships, and later resent their partner for taking what was offered.

Examining Relationship Patterns

It is also possible that someone feeling like they are “too much” may believe this due to feedback from previous partners. They may have a pattern of dating emotionally unavailable or even abusive partners who tell them they are “too much” simply because the partner is not interested in doing any emotional heavy lifting.

Whether a person feels like they are “too much” because of a negative mindset, fears of abandonment due to inconsistent parenting, or a history of toxic partnerships, working with a professional to understand and heal these patterns can give them the boost needed to enjoy dating again. A properly trained coach can enhance self-esteem and confidence around dating, help move towards a more secure attachment style, and assist in unpacking baggage from previous relationships that may be holding them back from meeting the right partner.