Picture this: you’re getting ready to meet a date for the very first time. You walk through the door, shake their hand, fall into an easy conversation and it’s like you’ve known each other for years. 

What was intended to be a quick cup of coffee turns into hours of fulfilling conversation. You laugh easily together, have so many things in common, and to top it all off, the sparks are flying. You end the night with a warm hug and the promise of a second date. But a week goes by without a word. You attempt to reach out but are met with silence. 

After a few weeks, you finally hear back with a dismissive message, something like “It was nice to meet you, but I don’t think this will work out”. That’s it. No explanation. You’re left with an overwhelming feeling of rejection, wondering what you did wrong. 

As Dating and Relationship Coaches, this is an experience we hear from our clients every day. Clients that are incredibly giving, kind, and ready for a loving relationship. 

So why are they rejected? How can they heal from this painful experience? And how can they stop it from happening again? 

In this blog, our team of dating coaches shares the advice they give to their clients to help them navigate this delicate and very personal experience.

TAKE CONTROL

We’d love to tell you that there is an easy method to never experience rejection again, but if we did, we would be lying. Rejection is simply a part of being human. Not only do we experience rejection at various points in our lives, but we also reject others. Understanding this is one of the ways you can lessen the pain of rejection. 

“Our need for certainty and fear of rejection takes the fun and joy out of dating”, says our Dating Coach Lisa Gunnett. She works with her clients to lay the foundation of understanding this lesson long before her clients experience rejection. In her coaching sessions, Lisa works to build her clients’ confidence and self-love. 

Her belief is that when you truly love yourself and know your value, it is easier to look at rejection as an opportunity for growth, rather than it ruining your dating journey.

ONE STEP AT A TIME

“So many of my clients have been through this not-so-fun journey of rejection and tend to blame themselves. They internalize it, second-guess themselves, or wonder if they shared too much or didn’t ask enough questions,” says our Dating Coach Dawn Villano. She knows first-hand that singles often criticize themselves when they experience rejection, especially when they did not receive any sort of closure, as seen in the example above. 

But as Dawn explains to her clients, “self-reflection is crucial for personal growth. Taking small steps forward to heal and focusing on your internal happiness are key elements in this journey.” She reminds her client that what may feel painful now will eventually lead to a deeper appreciation of the right person in their future.

REJECTION IS REDIRECTION

As our coach Marie Glover shares with her clients, “reframe and look at rejection as redirection towards getting back out there and giving yourself all the opportunities you deserve.”

If we can take a step back and look at the experience from an unbiased perspective, we have the opportunity to learn from this experience. Rejection teaches us to bounce back from setbacks, fostering a sense of perseverance and determination. Overcoming rejection can build emotional resilience, enabling us to tackle future challenges with greater confidence.

Marie believes that embracing rejection as a learning opportunity allows us to evolve and become better versions of ourselves.

SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM THE REJECTION 

Our Dating Coach Jess Mitchell has come to discover that people are often rejecting the idea of a relationship and not rejecting the actual person. Jess says, ‘After many of my client’s dates, I hear them say, “We really got along well and would be great friends, but I don’t think we would be a good couple.”’

This could mean that someone rejected what they perceived of you, which means that their rejection of you really has nothing to do with you! 

Like many of us at Love Life Academy, Jess has worked as both a Matchmaker and a dating coach. After her clients meet their introductions, Jess hears from both parties and collects post-date feedback. She has spent countless sessions asking her clients to follow the Three Date Rule which challenges them to meet their date three times before making an ultimate decision. Why? Because each encounter reveals more about the person beyond the initial impression, allowing for a more informed decision.

LISTEN TO THEM

Jess also insists that the age-old adage “it’s not you, it’s me” holds true as real feedback. While we understand that some people may use that phrase as an excuse, we personally see many singles use it as a real explanation behind their feelings and actions.

Remember, dating is a journey. A journey in lessons about ourselves. Sometimes, our dating journey can teach us that we are simply not ready for a relationship. We may find ourselves meeting someone that stirs something in us that needs to be healed. 

When meeting new people with the goal of a healthy relationship, our clients often experience “aha moments” that shake them to their core. So when someone says “it’s not you, it’s me”, let it be their truth.

Release the burden of being the one responsible for them deciding to walk away, and then begin your own journey of healing.

Remember, our team of coaches is here to help you every step of the way.