What is a Situationship?

Situationships are becoming more common, and they can be healthy or unhealthy depending on the circumstances.

Other terms for this dynamic are friends with benefits or an open relationship. Each dynamic can look different, but there is always a component of physical or emotional intimacy that feels like a romantic relationship.

There are no clear labels, such as boyfriend or girlfriend, and there is no exclusivity. Future plans need to be flexible in case something changes for one or both parties.

As a dating and relationship coach, I don’t judge my clients’ experiences. It’s about meeting them where they are and identifying any changes that they want to make to improve their lives. I have met people who are happily in a situationship and others who feel stuck in them. In this article, I would like to share the differences I have witnessed between healthy and unhealthy situationships and some questions to ask before engaging in one.

What might a healthy situationship look like?

A healthy situationship has been described as a cross between a friendship and a romantic relationship. Everyone understands that this is temporary and that it is for companionship purposes only.

Shared intimacy could range from consensual cuddling to full-blown sexual activity. Healthy dynamics include a good dose of healthy communication and care for each other’s well-being and feelings.

If things start to get too intense, a respectful and loving conversation is had to reestablish expectations and boundaries. Ideally, it is friends first, with any intimacy being a bonus.

What does an unhealthy situationship look like?

An unhealthy situationship is one in which there are mismatched expectations.

One person may be in it with the hopes that it will turn into a monogamous relationship one day. They may hope that the other person will “see their worth” and decide that they are what they have been looking for all along.

Media representations of romcoms where a friend suddenly wakes up to realize that Mr. or Mrs. Right has been their best friend all along don’t help with this dynamic. In an unhealthy dynamic, communication might be vague or inconsistent. One person may be getting their needs met at the emotional expense of the other. An unhealthy situationship can feel fun and low-pressure at first, but become confusing over time.

Determining if a situationship is right for you

Sometimes people use situationships as a band-aid, and it keeps them from doing the necessary work to get them to a place where they can have the healthy relationship that they truly crave.

In other cases, an individual may not have any idea what they want and know that they aren’t ready for a commitment at this time in their lives. In these cases, a situationship can be a bridge to figuring out what they are really looking for. For someone who has been in a long-term relationship and isn’t ready to get back into a committed relationship but craves affection and intimacy, a situationship can be a temporary alternative to jumping into the wrong relationship too quickly just to get their intimacy needs met.

Some people have careers that make it hard to have a committed relationship. A situationship can be a way to have a semblance of a relationship without hurting anyone.

I have come across clients who have demanding careers that make a full-time relationship nearly impossible. People who have to travel often for work can find it challenging to maintain a healthy relationship, so finding someone open to the idea of something more casual can allow them to have a home base without the fear of becoming a cheater or being cheated on.

What are some good questions to ask before engaging in a situationship?

Here are some good questions to ask yourself before jumping into a situationship:

1. Am I okay if this never becomes more?
2. Am I hoping they’ll change their mind?
3. Will this add peace or anxiety to my life?
4. Do my needs fit this setup?

Here are some great questions to ask a potential partner to avoid pain and confusion:

1. What are you actually looking for right now?
2. Are you open to this turning into something more, or is that off the table?
3. Are you seeing or open to seeing other people?
4. How often do you realistically want to see each other?
5. Do you like solid plans, or do you prefer things to be spontaneous?
6. What are your emotional limits in casual connections?
7. How do you usually handle feelings if they develop?
8. How do you prefer to communicate if something feels off?
9. Are there behaviors you consider crossing a line?
10. How do you typically end things when they no longer serve you?
11. Can we agree to honesty over comfort?

Moving forward

Given the right circumstances, mindset, and thoughtful communication, a situationship can be a viable option.

If you need help or accountability in determining if this is the right path for you at this time, or if you feel that you might be in a situationship that isn’t working for you, consider scheduling a consultation with me for assistance getting into a healthy dynamic or getting out of an unhealthy one.

You can schedule a complimentary session HERE.